Question marks...
...looming, hovering...
It's not questions concerning the future that makes me wonder. It's the questions regarding the now, the things that I see right before me that needs addressing. Someone once told me everyone goes through things, only the wise ones learn something from it. It appalls me that I have not learned much from the things that have taken place, it disturbs me that I've tried to see how things will change the way I do life for the better but I have so far failed to see. They don't fit. These are things that are archived and filed under "KIV... might be able to learn from hindsight in future" but after a while they are still unclaimed.
It's almost like someone telling me, "Must there be a reason for why things happen? Must you always look for things to learn? Sometimes there aren't any and you just gotta accept it."
But... I... I can't accept it?
Time made it rot and now it stinks...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In light of a recent event, I realised certain things are so fragile. It is very much a choice to throw things away, as it is very much a choice to water growth. Some things are just plain silly to destroy... a choice was made, a mind baffling choice. And once damaged beyond reconciliation one wonders if it is worth watering a dead plant,... and whether watering something dead by sheer hope and faithfulness will bring the dead to life. Is it my job to keep watering? It is not in my nature to give up, albeit having a pessimist's POV. It's probably just my defense mechanism to not expect much at all so it leaves no room for further disappointment. Few notice that hiding behind the pessimistic mask is a bundle of hope that I harbour. Sometimes I just gotta do what a man's gotta do, at least that is what integrity taught me - to be on the outside as I am inside.
When the time comes I might still water it, God, although it's so impossible. I will be knocking till the door opens... if I don't, who would? =| Then again, it's been years and just maybe, maybe I don't care anymore. Ya, I probably don't anymore. I've tried to care, I've done my part and the responsibility is not mine anymore. It wasn't my choice to throw it all away. It's now buried, in the past. Dead.
Time would've made it rot, but *snip snip*... it wasn't just done to me... it was his way of dealing with people. I don't know that's a good thing or a bad thing... and honestly, now I don't care anymore.
WillZ
It's not questions concerning the future that makes me wonder. It's the questions regarding the now, the things that I see right before me that needs addressing. Someone once told me everyone goes through things, only the wise ones learn something from it. It appalls me that I have not learned much from the things that have taken place, it disturbs me that I've tried to see how things will change the way I do life for the better but I have so far failed to see. They don't fit. These are things that are archived and filed under "KIV... might be able to learn from hindsight in future" but after a while they are still unclaimed.
It's almost like someone telling me, "Must there be a reason for why things happen? Must you always look for things to learn? Sometimes there aren't any and you just gotta accept it."
But... I... I can't accept it?
Time made it rot and now it stinks...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In light of a recent event, I realised certain things are so fragile. It is very much a choice to throw things away, as it is very much a choice to water growth. Some things are just plain silly to destroy... a choice was made, a mind baffling choice. And once damaged beyond reconciliation one wonders if it is worth watering a dead plant,... and whether watering something dead by sheer hope and faithfulness will bring the dead to life. Is it my job to keep watering? It is not in my nature to give up, albeit having a pessimist's POV. It's probably just my defense mechanism to not expect much at all so it leaves no room for further disappointment. Few notice that hiding behind the pessimistic mask is a bundle of hope that I harbour. Sometimes I just gotta do what a man's gotta do, at least that is what integrity taught me - to be on the outside as I am inside.
When the time comes I might still water it, God, although it's so impossible. I will be knocking till the door opens... if I don't, who would? =| Then again, it's been years and just maybe, maybe I don't care anymore. Ya, I probably don't anymore. I've tried to care, I've done my part and the responsibility is not mine anymore. It wasn't my choice to throw it all away. It's now buried, in the past. Dead.
Time would've made it rot, but *snip snip*... it wasn't just done to me... it was his way of dealing with people. I don't know that's a good thing or a bad thing... and honestly, now I don't care anymore.
WillZ
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