C O C O N U T...

Have you sung that song b4?

C O C O N U T
C O C O N U T
Coconut, coconut,
Coconut, coconut,
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh...

Or was yours this version...

Coconut water,
Very good for your daughter;
Coconut full of iron,
Make you strong like a lion.

I was at safeway yesterday and I saw this fresh coconut thing on sale. It was wrapped in gladwrap and the outer layer is shaved leaving it in a round and pointy end at the top. Seen those before? How fresh can they be? I knew I'd b able to get them anytime I want when I got back home in a week or so - BUT I was tempted, so I bought one.

Very stupid lah the one I bought. So hard to open, can't even find the 3 eyes. Anyway, I managed to hack it open with a chopper and got to its flesh and juice. It wasn't as great as the real fresh ones I buy back home but it's good enough.

For those who have never had an encounter with a coconut before, here's my simple guide opening a coconut.

1) Buy the coconut

I usually ask the "An Neh" (tamil for big brother, we use it to call any older indian) to choose the coconut for me. The fella will chop away the outer shell with a sabit (crescent blade) in an effortless and very expert manner. He will then mark an 'X' on the spot where I'm supposed to extract the water from later on. Put the coconuts you bought in the car and drive home. I do not suggest walking home with 10 coconuts, for health reasons.

2) Drain the water from the coconut

You'll need a cleaver to do this, some ppl suggest getting an ice pick, corkscrew or screwdriver. But I've always done it using only the cleaver. You'll notice 3 eyes on the 'X' spot.

With the back end corner of the cleaver, whack on one of the 3 eyes to create a hole. Some ppl say any of the 3 eyes will do, but I've learned from experience that 2 of the eyes are fake. Only one has the softspot to open up ezly. If you haf the extra utensils, you can drill a hole in the eye instead. Practice on your kid brother's eye first, preferably the one in his fotos.

Drain the coconut water out onto a cup or container. If you're shooting a movie about this guy trapped on a hot tropical island, pour water over head and shake the head. Re-produce in slow motion to achieve greater effect.

Store water in the fridge. Yum. Nothing beats cold coconut water. Do not add rose syrup like some ppl do. We want to drink pure one rite? Unless you got cheated by the An Neh and got the tasteless coconuts.

3) The flesh / meat / white thing

Hold coconut with the 3 eyes on one end and the base on the other. With the blunt side (back) of the cleaver, position it in the middle of the coconut and hack around it. You will notice that the coconut will just crack into 2 halves. Use a spoon to scrape the flesh out of the husk and into your mouth. You should be able to taste the coconut flesh in your mouth as you bite it. Do not consume if it tastes like shit. And don't ask me why yours taste like shit. Mine never tasted like shit. Even if it does, I've never tasted shit before so I wouldn't know.

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Come visit me in Penang if you wanna try fresh coconut and know which An Neh I'm talking about.


WillZ