Ah Lian..
Yes, today we're gonna haf a good look at how to choose Ah Lians. It is very important for us to know what sort of Ah Lian is good and which are the ones that nobody wants. We shall focus on one Ah Lian, and this famous Ah Lian's full name is LIU LIAN.
Did the Malays get the word 'Durian' from the hokkien Liu Lian or the other way round? I'm no expert but I'm guessing the malays got it first this time. 'Durian' comes from the word 'duri', which means thorns. Everybody say, "ahhhh... good POINT Willie.. we got the TIP in the END.. your brain very SHARP hor..".
Mun Keong and I went to safeway the other day and saw this durian special, 1KG for only 2 dollars! Quite cheap la I think.. so we started to discuss about how to choose durians. I then told him confidently that one of the ways was to look at the thorns. After that I got home and started to research on the internet. Apparently the thorns have nothing to do with how good a durian is, it's just bullshit. Wah si-beh pai-seh.. so from now on I'll start preaching that the thorns can only tell us how good it is as a weapon.
I got most of this info from a certain website, but I'm not exactly copying it, just the important facts were extracted. This is gonna be a lengthy blog but I think it is quite accurate, so here goes!
The first thing we gotta do is find a durian. Then we gotta scrutinize every inch of it by holding it in our hands. Those who cannot stand the oozing of blood and the pain of thorns piercing your skin can wear gloves. Try not to drop the durian on your feet or throw it at ur kid brother, can be quite painful one. I know bcos when I was kid I fell over a bunch of durians before, n that's why now my face and body all so ugly.
Like in the business world, looking for durians also involve looking for 'lubangs', or holes. I learned that there are 4 types of holes that we do not want..
1) Squirrel holes. - This shows that the durian is ripe and tasty bcos squirrels won't risk getting diarrhoea and constipation over an unripe or overripe durian, only humans do. If you really want the durian, better ask for discount first, confirm inside got a few 'hoots' / seeds of durians gone oredi.
2) Worm holes. - If you see a worm hole, that means the hole got worm. Don't buy these ones ok, eat already confirm the wormhole will make you travel thru time and space; unless you wanna buy the worms and keep them as pets. This pet no need to buy cage, just keep them in the durian got natural habitat oredi.
3) Man-made holes. - Triangular cuts at the bottom of a durian isn't a good sign. This is bcos ppl usually open up the durian with a pen-knife to inspect whether the durian is good. If the experienced 70 year old Ah Pek before you didn't buy the durian, why should you? Would he not have bought it already if it was good?
4) Open backside type. - Durians with openings on their backsides should be left where they are. It means they are not fresh, and have been rejected by all.. unless you are adventurous; I think these ones eat oredi you'll get opening on your backsides too.
As with looking for a spouse, we must not only look at the outer appearance, we need to check out the insides too. Grip the durian with your hand, place it next to your head and shake it (the durian, not your head). Stop and listen carefully - if you hear some movement inside the durian, double check if you missed some worm holes cos confirm got worms inside. If u dun find any worm holes on the durian, then confirm your ears got worms inside.
If you hear some hollow movement sounds when you shaked the durian, it's bcos the durian got a lot of seeds, but no flesh. Reject. If you dun hear anything but the weight is like too heavy for a durian that size, reject oso. It's either the durian not ripe, or waterlogged oredi. If you hear faint movement sounds and the durian seems a lil bit light, it's time to move on to the next step.
Hold the durian near to your nose and take a deep smell of it. If you feel pain on your nose, move the durian thorns away from ur nose and wipe off excess blood. Make sure your nose has healed (may take more than a week) before you go out and choose durians again. Repeat the above steps and this time hold the durian a lil bit further and smell.
The smell test :
- Over rich smell, too pungent = REJECT, too ripe
- No smell at all = REJECT, not ripe yet (unless you're buying frozen durians at Safeway then of cos no smell la)
- Smells like fart = Purrfect! Found yourself a durian to enjoy!
Final and most important step, bring your the durians to Unit 60 / 422 Cardigan Street.
I read a story in thestar.com.my about this Australian in Perth that has weeks left to live. He met his wife in Penang and one of his favorite ice-cream is the one made from durian in Penang. You can read about his story here. Read up the links at the bottom for the whole picture.
I pointed out this news article because it contains 2 important lessons for us today.
1) People LOVE durian.
2) Penangites are awesome. Proof? Here's a quote taken from the article - “I grew up in Penang which is a magical island full of magical people. This is the spirit of the island and thanks a million,” said Edward, who married a Penang Chinese.
WillZ
Did the Malays get the word 'Durian' from the hokkien Liu Lian or the other way round? I'm no expert but I'm guessing the malays got it first this time. 'Durian' comes from the word 'duri', which means thorns. Everybody say, "ahhhh... good POINT Willie.. we got the TIP in the END.. your brain very SHARP hor..".
Mun Keong and I went to safeway the other day and saw this durian special, 1KG for only 2 dollars! Quite cheap la I think.. so we started to discuss about how to choose durians. I then told him confidently that one of the ways was to look at the thorns. After that I got home and started to research on the internet. Apparently the thorns have nothing to do with how good a durian is, it's just bullshit. Wah si-beh pai-seh.. so from now on I'll start preaching that the thorns can only tell us how good it is as a weapon.
I got most of this info from a certain website, but I'm not exactly copying it, just the important facts were extracted. This is gonna be a lengthy blog but I think it is quite accurate, so here goes!
The first thing we gotta do is find a durian. Then we gotta scrutinize every inch of it by holding it in our hands. Those who cannot stand the oozing of blood and the pain of thorns piercing your skin can wear gloves. Try not to drop the durian on your feet or throw it at ur kid brother, can be quite painful one. I know bcos when I was kid I fell over a bunch of durians before, n that's why now my face and body all so ugly.
Like in the business world, looking for durians also involve looking for 'lubangs', or holes. I learned that there are 4 types of holes that we do not want..
1) Squirrel holes. - This shows that the durian is ripe and tasty bcos squirrels won't risk getting diarrhoea and constipation over an unripe or overripe durian, only humans do. If you really want the durian, better ask for discount first, confirm inside got a few 'hoots' / seeds of durians gone oredi.
2) Worm holes. - If you see a worm hole, that means the hole got worm. Don't buy these ones ok, eat already confirm the wormhole will make you travel thru time and space; unless you wanna buy the worms and keep them as pets. This pet no need to buy cage, just keep them in the durian got natural habitat oredi.
3) Man-made holes. - Triangular cuts at the bottom of a durian isn't a good sign. This is bcos ppl usually open up the durian with a pen-knife to inspect whether the durian is good. If the experienced 70 year old Ah Pek before you didn't buy the durian, why should you? Would he not have bought it already if it was good?
4) Open backside type. - Durians with openings on their backsides should be left where they are. It means they are not fresh, and have been rejected by all.. unless you are adventurous; I think these ones eat oredi you'll get opening on your backsides too.
As with looking for a spouse, we must not only look at the outer appearance, we need to check out the insides too. Grip the durian with your hand, place it next to your head and shake it (the durian, not your head). Stop and listen carefully - if you hear some movement inside the durian, double check if you missed some worm holes cos confirm got worms inside. If u dun find any worm holes on the durian, then confirm your ears got worms inside.
If you hear some hollow movement sounds when you shaked the durian, it's bcos the durian got a lot of seeds, but no flesh. Reject. If you dun hear anything but the weight is like too heavy for a durian that size, reject oso. It's either the durian not ripe, or waterlogged oredi. If you hear faint movement sounds and the durian seems a lil bit light, it's time to move on to the next step.
Hold the durian near to your nose and take a deep smell of it. If you feel pain on your nose, move the durian thorns away from ur nose and wipe off excess blood. Make sure your nose has healed (may take more than a week) before you go out and choose durians again. Repeat the above steps and this time hold the durian a lil bit further and smell.
The smell test :
- Over rich smell, too pungent = REJECT, too ripe
- No smell at all = REJECT, not ripe yet (unless you're buying frozen durians at Safeway then of cos no smell la)
- Smells like fart = Purrfect! Found yourself a durian to enjoy!
Final and most important step, bring your the durians to Unit 60 / 422 Cardigan Street.
I read a story in thestar.com.my about this Australian in Perth that has weeks left to live. He met his wife in Penang and one of his favorite ice-cream is the one made from durian in Penang. You can read about his story here. Read up the links at the bottom for the whole picture.
I pointed out this news article because it contains 2 important lessons for us today.
1) People LOVE durian.
2) Penangites are awesome. Proof? Here's a quote taken from the article - “I grew up in Penang which is a magical island full of magical people. This is the spirit of the island and thanks a million,” said Edward, who married a Penang Chinese.
WillZ
1 Comments:
At 12:46 AM,
Anonymous said…
hi u'd prob don't know me by name but i love this post, it's hilariously funny..keep on writing corny articles like this!
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