Dr. WCHero on Ahh-tIsSuE *sniff*
They don't call me the Toilet Hero for nothing. I've had my fair share of experience in the toilet, nearly 24 years and 10 months of it. Out of the many years of using the loo, I've discovered that there are many types of toilet tissues. Some are not created for human comfort. Others are simply, like a famous song aptly described, "like heaven to touch".
*** WARNING - Some of you may feel uneasy reading this post. Please do not proceed if you have no interest in toilet tissues, or have had traumatic experiences with it. ***
Below are some of the toilet tissues that ppl have used over the years, some I've never had the priviledge of using, and might never have. It does not cover every type available so please do your part to share with me what I've missed.
1) 1 ply brown/grey - These are mainly located in public toilets. One such place that had an abundant supply of it was the Info Sys Dept of Melbourne Uni. I know some ppl actually steal it. They aren't particularly nice to use, but they aren't the worst either. Never buy 1 ply ones. Yes, they are cheap, but dun you realise that they are too thin? You'll end up using 2 sheets to make them 2 ply. Logical calculation shows that 1 roll 1 ply = 1/2 roll of 2 ply. And they are brown/grey too.. EecK.
2) 2 ply white - Middle of the range. Best one to get if you spend moderately. Does what it says, no hassle or fuss. Every household should have one. You won't complain about it, but you won't show it off to your frens either.
3) 3 ply - Born with a silver spoon in your mouth? Go for the 3 ply. When you use a 3 ply one, it goes without saying that there's no issue with the tissue. No more "Aiyoh so thin", "Wah can tear leh..", "Cheh, gotta wash hand oredi..". You won't think about the tissue at all, it frees your mind to think of other things - like what chapters you gotta study later, who you gonna meet in a while, what you wanna have for breakfast, how crunchy the KFC Zinger burger is.
4) 3 ply WITH moisturising Aloe Vera - The rolls royce of toilet tissues. The ultimate enjoyment. Once you pop you can't stop. One whole pack in just one day. You insist every guest in your home tries it at least once. They are really good and are tempting to steal. So make sure you don't leave extra ones lying around though, and check the bags of your guests before they leave.
5) Jumbo roll - Usually found in hotel lobbies and public toilets. Come in BIG rolls. Usually have no "tear here please" perforated lines, and the 'teeth' on the containers are never sharp enough to give them a clean break. The ends are always crumpled because of that. Quality is alright but bad design I'd say. Why can't they haf the standard perforated lines huh? To ensure there's no wastage? Who'd use less than a single sheet anyway? And if you did use more than that, the most you waste is the length of a single sheet. Those that can follow my logic say "AYE". Talk to me in person if you can't. Thank you.
6) Single sheets in a box - We find these a lot in OZ public toilets. Paper-like. You pull the tissue and it comes out of the box in single sheets. Smooth on the surface, and can be used to take down sermon notes. I don't really like it, papercut fear maybe? Doesn't do a wonderful job either. Quality wise, well.. one grade lower and they might as well give you sandpaper.
7) Pattern jeyh jeyh (Pattern more than badminton) - Some of the toilet tissues have patterns and colors on them. Some ppl like them, not me. I was staying at Mad Gun's place March 2003, and like all normal humans I used his toilet to.. "you know what". I donno about him lah but I had trouble determining whether I did a good job cleaning up after my business. After one hour of hard work I realised the brownish stain was actually part of the toilet tissue. He had toilet tissue with brown color patterns on it. Oh my. How deceiving. Can't remember how much toilet tissue I wasted that day. I guess blue patterns aren't dat bad. Don't think it'll deceive anyone like its brown counterpart, or will it?
8) The finger - Ermm, well this isn't much of a tissue huh. Oh well, some ppl swear by it; say it's like KFC, finger-licking good.
***********
Malaysians may find it foreign to them when we mention toilet tissue and public toilet in one breath. That's because it IS foreign. Can never find them in Malaysia. The ah ee will charge you 30 cents for a packet of Kleenex. Impractical. Those kinda tissues are facial tissues. You only wipe your face with it, unless you're implying that there's no difference between your face and your.. urm..
WillZ
TIP : Put your toilet roll with the loose end hanging out the front. Notice how color patterned tissues only have them printed on the outer side? You wouldn't b able to enjoy the patterns if you hung it the other way round. Besides, it's more accessible this way.
*** WARNING - Some of you may feel uneasy reading this post. Please do not proceed if you have no interest in toilet tissues, or have had traumatic experiences with it. ***
Below are some of the toilet tissues that ppl have used over the years, some I've never had the priviledge of using, and might never have. It does not cover every type available so please do your part to share with me what I've missed.
1) 1 ply brown/grey - These are mainly located in public toilets. One such place that had an abundant supply of it was the Info Sys Dept of Melbourne Uni. I know some ppl actually steal it. They aren't particularly nice to use, but they aren't the worst either. Never buy 1 ply ones. Yes, they are cheap, but dun you realise that they are too thin? You'll end up using 2 sheets to make them 2 ply. Logical calculation shows that 1 roll 1 ply = 1/2 roll of 2 ply. And they are brown/grey too.. EecK.
2) 2 ply white - Middle of the range. Best one to get if you spend moderately. Does what it says, no hassle or fuss. Every household should have one. You won't complain about it, but you won't show it off to your frens either.
3) 3 ply - Born with a silver spoon in your mouth? Go for the 3 ply. When you use a 3 ply one, it goes without saying that there's no issue with the tissue. No more "Aiyoh so thin", "Wah can tear leh..", "Cheh, gotta wash hand oredi..". You won't think about the tissue at all, it frees your mind to think of other things - like what chapters you gotta study later, who you gonna meet in a while, what you wanna have for breakfast, how crunchy the KFC Zinger burger is.
4) 3 ply WITH moisturising Aloe Vera - The rolls royce of toilet tissues. The ultimate enjoyment. Once you pop you can't stop. One whole pack in just one day. You insist every guest in your home tries it at least once. They are really good and are tempting to steal. So make sure you don't leave extra ones lying around though, and check the bags of your guests before they leave.
5) Jumbo roll - Usually found in hotel lobbies and public toilets. Come in BIG rolls. Usually have no "tear here please" perforated lines, and the 'teeth' on the containers are never sharp enough to give them a clean break. The ends are always crumpled because of that. Quality is alright but bad design I'd say. Why can't they haf the standard perforated lines huh? To ensure there's no wastage? Who'd use less than a single sheet anyway? And if you did use more than that, the most you waste is the length of a single sheet. Those that can follow my logic say "AYE". Talk to me in person if you can't. Thank you.
6) Single sheets in a box - We find these a lot in OZ public toilets. Paper-like. You pull the tissue and it comes out of the box in single sheets. Smooth on the surface, and can be used to take down sermon notes. I don't really like it, papercut fear maybe? Doesn't do a wonderful job either. Quality wise, well.. one grade lower and they might as well give you sandpaper.
7) Pattern jeyh jeyh (Pattern more than badminton) - Some of the toilet tissues have patterns and colors on them. Some ppl like them, not me. I was staying at Mad Gun's place March 2003, and like all normal humans I used his toilet to.. "you know what". I donno about him lah but I had trouble determining whether I did a good job cleaning up after my business. After one hour of hard work I realised the brownish stain was actually part of the toilet tissue. He had toilet tissue with brown color patterns on it. Oh my. How deceiving. Can't remember how much toilet tissue I wasted that day. I guess blue patterns aren't dat bad. Don't think it'll deceive anyone like its brown counterpart, or will it?
8) The finger - Ermm, well this isn't much of a tissue huh. Oh well, some ppl swear by it; say it's like KFC, finger-licking good.
***********
Malaysians may find it foreign to them when we mention toilet tissue and public toilet in one breath. That's because it IS foreign. Can never find them in Malaysia. The ah ee will charge you 30 cents for a packet of Kleenex. Impractical. Those kinda tissues are facial tissues. You only wipe your face with it, unless you're implying that there's no difference between your face and your.. urm..
WillZ
TIP : Put your toilet roll with the loose end hanging out the front. Notice how color patterned tissues only have them printed on the outer side? You wouldn't b able to enjoy the patterns if you hung it the other way round. Besides, it's more accessible this way.
1 Comments:
At 2:36 PM,
teandsympathy said…
Heyy good blog! Oh, and the ones in the Ballieu Library are...how to say...'cutting-edge' technology... You may require medical attention after excessive use. Here's a tip: whenever you encounter toilet paper of the worst kind, crumple it several times until it loses its stiffness. (Acutally I think I got the tip from you, Willie...)
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